Fear Not

I haven't wanted to write anything because there's not much I can say. As you know from my previous post [see HERE] Kathy's trial started at the beginning of May. I've attended as much of it as I could; I missed one and a half days because of a temp job. It ended up being 5 weeks long.

The jury came back on Monday with a guilty verdict. Needless to say, her family and friends are absolutely devastated. As much as my heart is aching, I can't even begin to fathom how Kathy and her family are feeling. Their lives have been changed forever. All I can do is cling to God and His promises, because there is absolutely no understanding that will ever come; not for any of us. The sentencing will be in August. We know that God is bigger than this and are trusting that He will redeem Kathy and this situation. Please continue to pray for Kathy and her family in the coming days. 

strong enough

The song Strong Enough by Matthew West has been on my heart for the past couple of weeks and I felt like it needed to be shared.

You must, You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe, maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and You are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

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peace and hope

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

Romans 5:1-11 (NIV) [emphasis added]

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keep trying

I've been working all semester on developing my thesis concept for my Midpoint Review. Next semester I'll have my Midpoint Review where I'll present my idea for my thesis to a review panel. They'll decide if I move forward with my thesis idea for the rest of my time at school. I thought I had a pretty solid concept. I still think it is. I just don't know the right way to convey my concept with my images. I don't want it to be literal. I want it to mean something. I'm sure I could take an easy route and create a concept that would be less challenging and easier for me to accomplish each week. But I want to use this semester (and my thesis project) to challenge myself. I want to grow as a photographer. How do you become great at something if you aren't challenged and pushed? But I feel like I'm being pushed off a cliff right now.

Lately I've been questioning if I should even be doing this program. I feel like a phoney (hi, my name is Holden Caulfield). But when I talk to myself, I know that I do want to do this. I love photography. This is my passion. I just don't know how. I'm to the point in my Thesis Seminar where I can't change my mind about my concept for the rest of the semester. I had a conversation with Heather the day I got my tattoo. I basically said I was more scared to commit to a thesis idea than I was my tattoo. I seriously am. I don't think my life depends on it, but sometimes it feels like it. I want to work on a project that I'm passionate about, that means something. Especially because I'll be working on it for a year and a half. Like I've said before, God has given me this talent and I want to glorify Him with my work. I'm praying that He will continue to show me how to do this.

While I wait, I'm trying to remind myself that I need to keep trying. Especially when I feel like giving up, like I do now. I'm afraid to fail, but that doesn't mean I still shouldn't try. So here I go. Let's do this.

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streams in the wasteland

This is what the Lord says-

he who made a way through the seas,

a path through the mighty waters,

who drew out the chariots and horses,

the army and reinforcements together,

and they lay there, never to rise again,

extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:

"Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because I provide water in the desert

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chose,

the people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise."

Isaiah 43:16-21

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